Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
