don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize