My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
