The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
