I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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