im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
