the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
