I'm jealous of your bromance
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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