If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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