C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
