At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
