u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
