So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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