I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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