watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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