I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
