What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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