3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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