I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
