You're my little dorito
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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