We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
