I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I die, sorry about rent.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
