TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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