I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
