this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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