He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
