It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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