capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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