"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
