hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
