my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
