I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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