Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
