I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
