she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
