I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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