only if we run a train.
done.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
