Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
