I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
