it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
