I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
