First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
