i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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