saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
as a side note pls kill me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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