He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
