Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
