my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
