The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
