Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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