I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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