oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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