So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
