Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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