saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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