Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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