brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
