You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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