And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Bring me that man meat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
