i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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