oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
