Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
