obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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