next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
