unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
