I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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