She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
