My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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