call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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