im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
