I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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