she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
