i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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