I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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