eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woke up backwards on a recliner
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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