omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
