Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
