i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
